THE NATURE OF ABUSE

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The nature of abuse is fundamentally defined by an imbalance of power and control, where one seeks dominance to achieve obedience within the powerless state of another. The path to restorative peace, emancipation, and freedom must reside within the state of truth. To become a catalyst of change one must force the mask to drop for transparency and accountability to emerge. The façade or persona others may project to the world, often conceals their core real true-self. True character is often revealed within moments of critical crisis, where someone who has experienced grave injustice, torture, ridicule, resistance to help, or silencing is forced to walk without assistance. Within moments of despair one enters into the ascended state of revelation, awakening, and enlightenment of the true self. One must acutely address and recognize where policy, legislation, legal frameworks, leadership, or lack of compassionate care or empathy may not be apparent. What resides or lies beneath, will always emerge to the surface within time, especially when another’s superficial mask drops. What is often revealed is the performative façade is no longer evident. Within the critical moments of relationships, genuine intent is demonstrated by compassion, understanding, support, and a willingness to set aside personal selfish interests for the common good of all. Unfortunately, within the realms of cruelty or manipulative intent, there can be a stark contrast to the reality initially being presented prior by the abuser, as the charm inevitably fades. Survivors of abuse can identify a change in character when loss of control is evident. Within the moments of absence, indifference, apathy, or silence, abusers are often challenged in the sense, that they must confront what they have inevitably become. Abusers are often publicly caught in a lie that they cannot explain away. A turning point emerges for a victim of abuse, when there is a shocking devastating realization that the person they confided in, was engaging in a performance act. This knowledge can be a catalyst for a victim to begin their healing journey and leave an abusive relationship, as it provides certainty, that their instincts and moral judgement were correct all along.

Within the process of escalation within abusive relationships, once the mask has fallen, the abuser will often feel they have nothing left to lose, and engage in punitive behaviour at a more acute level. In a spiritual context, the deceptive cyclical period, inevitably ends when performance is confronted and reality is exposed. One must always pay acute attention to those who seek relationships for their personal gain, rather than standing up for the voiceless who are often marginalized, antagonized, ridiculed, ignored, or silenced. Within my recovery, I am grateful to organizations which support Women during abuse, such as sexual assault or dismissive silencing of victims. One must examine the facts at an acute level, as inaction is a definite response, and an extreme form of systematic abuse which facilitates the epidemic for approval or tolerance to continue or proceed on an ongoing basis. Abuse is also presented by not confronting perpetrators actions or remaining within the state of apathy through mechanisms of adoption of old belief systems, stereotypes, modes of indifference or silencing mechanisms to minimize the harmful intent. Within the mask model of narcissism, the moment an individual’s professional or composed persona (the mask) slips, one awakens to the stark contrasting reality of revelation of concealed aggressive or manipulative traits underneath. Abusers tend to never admit they are in the wrong, and seldomly change their embedded responses when it comes to their modes of approaches or attempts at control. As a community, it is imperative that impact is made by addressing lack of responsiveness in urgent times of need or care. Obscured identities fundamentally enable power abuses by shielding perpetrators from accountability and eroding constitutional protections. Abuse must not prevail at any level. I am grateful that many women’s shelters are now engaging in events such as community Masquerade Balls where masks are metaphorical depiections of struggles within communities where anonymity is utilized as a shield against victims of abuse.

Silencing of victims leads to further perpetrations against others. Within the civil rights context, metaphorical masks allow others to act without fear of judgement or punishment, as misconduct cannot be traced to specific individuals. Within the realm of law enforcement, we must praise, encourage, and support those diligent officers who act as Guardians Of The Light who consistently, constantly, and proactively counter the narrative of silencing victims or victim shaming. Masking perpetrators enables the erosion of accountability, transparency, and justice. When one carries out the intent to destroy another, a survivor faces lack of resources to confront the terror they experienced at any level. Often perpetrators will slide within the cracks of the system without legal recourse due to victims feeling paralyzed by fear. Victims often remain within silence out of internal shame, humiliation, or exhaustion from trying to restore the fragments within their life. Victims of abuse who have experienced grave injustices, due to excessive force by a perpetrator’s hand, or psychological abusive tactics, are often left without a way out. It is difficult for a victim to come forward, initiate or file a complaint, or pursue a trial for damages incurred within court, due violations that often cannot be seen or proven. It is the silent scars that harm a victim the most. Future governance must focus on protections that prevent legal black holes from emerging. When a survivor is left to suffer in silence, their tears are marked within history, as the karmic imprint cannot be undone as it is etched within time as cascades to future generations. There is no misinterpretation of intent when it comes to abuse. Intervention must be apparent within high-stress interactions as the nature of cyclical abuse does not end by just exiting the situation, as the memory resides and lives within the victim’s psyche during the aftermath of destruction.

We must look for agents of transformation, beacons of light, and catalysts of change to champion reformative and progressive change within communities locally, nationally, and internationally. The healing process requires acute assistance, as it serves as an imperative cornerstone and keystone within the rehabilitation, restoration, and revitalization process. The soul must enter into a restorative state of clarity to recognize and process the acts of harmful intent intentionally carried out against them. One must light the path to progressive change, to end silencing, allowance or permittance of invisible acts of perpetration. One must address masking or concealing cases of violence or perpetration, as it holds dire psychological and profound social impact. As a rape survivor, within my practice, I empower those who have risen from destructive circumstances. By confronting our hidden truths, we can enable strength to preside by our stories of hope and survival. Widespread masking or concealment of truth, can often become an intentional tactic to harm communities into submission, in an authoritative stance. When victims of sexual, psychological, physical, mental, or emotional abuse feel unheard, unseen, ignored, or discarded, it leads to destabilization, lack of justice, and the erosion of trust. Accountability leads to transparency, respect, and cooperation. Empowerment, trust, and respect must be evident within the reconciliation and healing process. It is the silent scars that one conceals within, that must be brought to light. The mask essentially must drop in regard to sexual assault and abuse both metaphorically and physically. Metaphorically all must confront societal myths when it comes to the cyclical nature of abuse, and also seek methods to physically address, unmask, and unearth the root causes of this epidemic, to ensure the safety and accountability of all.

Transparency is essential for survivors, as it prevents concealed abuses from occurring again, and provides an opportunity for lawmakers and survivor advocates to counter the vacuum of accountability that endangers vulnerable populations and marginalized community members. Concealing sexual assault perpetrators is one of the primary sources of mistrust within the public perception. Fear resides within the conscious state of domestic and sexual assault violence survivors, as many of their attackers are never brought to justice or cases may be dismissed. By leaving survivors in a state of confusion, silence, or indifference, enables the act to be condoned, accepted, or tolerated. Often perpetrators harness their power through anonymity as victims or survivors reside within fear, and do not dare to take the necessary steps to confront the actions of their perpetrator within a public sense. Predatory behaviour is a mental illness and an epidemic which is criminal and operates outside the margins of legitimate law enforcement or codes of ethical or moral policies. Survivors after an attack experience a hard time distinguishing safety due to ongoing PTSD or mistrust. When misalignment, fragmentation, or chaos occurs, the mind remains entrapped within the state of fear and powerlessness. Those that support violence within any facet enable abusers to remain within the cloak of invisibility or untouchability. Dropping the mask both physically and procedurally is often a way to prevent such abuses from occurring again. Abuse must not remain cloaked in silence. The physical scars which remain which are often masked by survivors. Abuse is deeply traumatizing for survivors of sexual violence as it causes psychological sensory flashbacks and triggers. It is often the unseen scars that require the most healing.

Sexual assault is often performed outside of the periphery view of those that can help to prevent it. The anxiety caused by perpetrators can become unbearable for survivors during the recovery process, as they may avoid public spaces, disengage in social interactions, remain within an isolated state where medical doctors are unable to care for their wounds, or may remain in paralysis or silence due to inaction or inactivity to counter the injustice they have experienced. In the context of interpersonal abuse, dropping the mask is the moment an abuser’s public-facing persona, which is often charming or authoritative slips, to reveal a predatory nature. To break the cycle of abuse one must examine the power dynamics of control. Sexual abuse by narcissistic individuals is primarily used to dominate and paralyze victims. Accountability enables the metaphorical mask drop which is essential and necessary to stop abusers from operating outside of the confines of the law. It is paramount that all advocate for the safety and healing of survivors of abuse to prevent further apathy, indifference, silencing or gaslighting measures from occurring again. By overturning old school stereotypical myths revolving around abuse, a community can become more proactive in initiatives to counter shifting interpretations of what harm constitutes to assist survivors who are often discredited or ignored. Societal generational stereotypes must be confronted, to enable legal transparency and accountability within the justice system. By addressing these risk enhancers, communities on the micro and macro level, can then better protect survivors through trauma-informed interventions.

Sexual violence is often a crime of power which reinforces gender inequality, suffering, isolation, alienation, and segregation. Abusers within the psychological and relational context, drop their mask of manipulation when their false persona is revealed. Captivity is not freedom. Those who cause emotional stagnancy, psychological, or physical entrapment of the victim, reside within the realm of intermittent reinforcement, where the abuser sequesters their victim within the cycle of isolation, dependency, and trauma to facilitate their obsession and addiction for control. The mask typically slips when the manipulator no longer feels the need to maintain a pretence, because they believe they operate beyond the law, and have successfully secured their target to bend to their will or demands. Within the imbalance of power, abusers will seek a predator and prey relationship dynamic or mentality. When loss of control is evident due to a challenge, failure, or inability to keep up the pretence of lie or supply of reinforcement in the form of admiration or obedience, they will reveal their true self. The nature of the snake is often that they shed their external skin but their internal composure remains intact. Within the nature of predatory behaviour responsibility, compassion, and accountability remains absent. When one confronts an abuser with undeniable evidence of a lie or holds them accountable to a standard they cannot meet, they may abandon the façade entirely. It is not a behavioural shift when the true authentic self emerges or is revealed; the victim is witnessing the reality or truth of the matter, which is their core persona. One must remain within the literal rather than the figurative or illusionary, as it is, what it is. Within the state of captivity, a perpetuator will utilize their aggressive nature to maintain dominance and will utilize silence as a weapon to maintain obedience.

Devaluing a victim’s worth, maintaining the view that the victim is unessential or undeserving of help, causes fragmentation within the soul, division, segregation, alienation within their life, and disconnects them from reality of what true unconditional love truly represents. Remaining within the isolating state of deprivation or abuse, causes one to lose touch with their normative support systems, which reinforces the bond with their abuser within a sense of dependency. Safety is often sought externally but must reside or be found within. The survivor essentially becomes a victim to the relationships highs and lows, making the cyclical nature of abuse unbearable and hard to break. Within the awakening process or phase, a victim is granted the gift of acknowledgement of clarity, truth, and reality. One must not confuse performance with unconditional love or authentic genuine nature, as one is based in selfish superficial intent whereas, the other is based and rooted in selflessness and respect for all. One must ultimately awaken to the manipulators behaviour, as their character is revealed within time, and serves a reflection of their internal void and scorn for all life, and their insatiable need for control due to inadequacy or lack within. The truth must inevitably be revealed that captivity and entrapment are concealed attempts for perpetual harm, servitude, and suffering. The truth cannot be unseen once revealed. The truth marks a permanent shift in consciousness, which sets into motion the beginning of the end of a toxic captive dynamic.

One must rise beyond cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is the mental struggle of holding two conflicting versions of a person which must be resolved within time. Inaction demonstrates one’s truest intent and impact. The soul must transition from denial to clarity, by dissolving cognitive dissonance, ending the mirror effect of projected façades, and regain a sense of trust within the self, by validating their moral judgement and instincts as true, concrete, and known. Truth is measured by action not inaction, and we must look to leadership to confront their peers who remain silent in the wake of chaos, mayhem, destruction, and abandonment. Abuse is the defining reality of the relationship as it causes fragmentation within. Healing requires facing the core unfiltered truth that the charming mask was often a mirror of the victim’s best qualities used to manipulate the victim to remain hooked. My abuser told me in a fit of rage at the end, that he “transforms and becomes what people need to make them feel safe.” Once you realize this, the false persona loses its power. Perpetrators often understand the buttons to push, or comprehend how far to go, because they reside without limitations within their performative state, as they feel that the rules and laws do not apply to them. Abusers often observe and analyze their prey prior to the hunt, as they must ensure their actions, reactions, and excuses reside within the realm of the unseen. Abusers subscribe to the force of control and do not comprehend unconditional love, as it does not reside within them. Unveiling of the truth is often unnerving and often brings a delayed sense of relief for the victim, because it confirms the victim’s intuitive feelings were correct all along. The eyes do not lie, and psychological tactics of manipulation and controlled actions and words can cause more harm than physical violence. When one feels a void of sincerity that is the truth. Once the mask has fallen there is a significant paradigm shift where the pandora’s box is opened and one cannot return to the previous state of ignorance.

Within the enlightened state of clarity, one’s perception and perspective permanently unveils the concealed or hidden deeper residual truths beyond an individual’s performance behaviour. One must rise beyond excuses for perpetrators, as they hold no accountability and do not feel internal remorse for their actions they have committed as they lack empathy and compassion. The realization that that version they presented never truly existed, confirms a perpetrators separate identity. A survivor has a conscious choice to decay or live. Truth holds a dichotomous nature, as it is both liberating and painful. The soul must reach a state of acceptance of external judgment, violence, or injustice and ground their self in reality of what is, not what was. One must awaken to the manipulative tactics that were set into motion, and document new emerging solidified truths, to prevent re-engagement or remaining within the residual energetic exchanges or entrapments of the past. One must sever all ties to the past, and grieve the illusion of the old self that a perpetrator presented, as their core identity was not real, they presented an illusion to entrap their victim into their gyre of abuse. One must ground in the reality where the performance self of the perpetrator does not exist, as one must remain within the truth of what occurred, beyond the promises that it will never happen again.

Within the context of modern Masquerade Balls, it stands as a powerful expression of empowered support for survivors, as it functions as an act to counter systematic and interpersonal violence by providing a space where anonymity dismantles harmful power structures. In a sense, it enables survivors a silent and powerful way to speak through the expression of their costumes, and stand among individuals who may have contributed to silencing them, in their time of need, as it is a powerful act of feminism to stand with women who are often ignored, discarded, or ridiculed or judged for circumstances beyond their control. Within a historical sense, masquerades were used as a quiet form of social protest against the rigid and often oppressive social structures which contributed to systemic violence. Masquerades enable all individuals from different social strata’s to interact regardless of their social, economic, or political platforms, for a meaningful cause that ignites change. Dissolving stigmas and stereotypes are imperative for profound change. Equality must serve and act as a release of societal tension as physical violence, unrest, and silencing due to apathy, does not resolve injustice or facilitate reconciliation. Our silent scars are carried with us long after the act has been committed therefore, it is imperative to stand and speak our truth as a united collective, to reinforce progressive and restorative change for all. When one wears a mask at a masquerade it becomes protection from retribution, as anonymity sets an individual free to speak or act without fear, judgement, or resistance. Retribution should not be directed or delivered to survivors of catastrophic crimes who come forward, as it is a courageous act to speak their concealed truths. Victims do not deserve to be re-victimized beyond unspeakable violence set against them. Masquerade balls are a symbolic and practical tool to combat intimate partner violence. It is imperative that all support shelters who promote emergency and crisis interventional programs, as they symbolize strength and unity for all.

It is essential and required that we must unmask the truth of abuse, to end the epidemic of violence. We are all the root of change and through our actions we advocate for the voiceless. As a survivor, I stand with victims of domestic and sexual violence. All must counter the negative impact that is carried mentally, emotionally, psychologically, or physically due to the cycle of abuse. Exploitation begins and ends with emotional manipulation and isolation. Beyond affective enticement, one must identify perpetrators who utilize another’s vulnerabilities and weaknesses against them. Within forced isolation, the abuser seeks to influence every crevice of a victims life, through systematic acts of distancing a victim from their family, friends and support networks. By utilizing psychological tactics, an abuser reinforces a conditioned view that the world is unsafe outside of the confines of their control. Within isolation, desensitization takes root, where a victim is gradually subjected to habitual mistreatment and degradation, which then normalizes inappropriate responses, and presents a distorted form of love or support which is based in hate. Love is not control. Within certain cases, it can result as physical violence, such as assault or various forms of psychological, mental, or emotional abuse. Within the state of control, unconditional love cannot reside. Exploitation relies on a systematic structure of imbalance of power, where maintaining silence is the perpetrator’s ultimate end goal. Once exploitation begins, it can seldomly not be reversed as the abuser will utilize shame, secrecy, humiliation, and threats against the victim’s and their family, to prevent them from speaking their truth or seeking help. Often perpetrators will indoctrinate their victims and state to them that they are now their “only family.” Victims are often utilized as a commodities or malleable instruments for the abuser’s projection of hate to obtain forced obedience. Victims often feel have no other choice but to remain in the exploitative situation, due to the state of fear, powerlessness or violence. It is imperative that as a community, we work with law enforcement and their supportive organizations, to counter the influence these perpetrators have within societies. We must foster initiatives which dismantles the epidemic of consistent or systematic abuse. Our greatest power is the act of presence and support, as we all can anchor our light to generate a better future for all.

Abusers meticulously maintain a culture of silence to protect themselves, and ensure their victims remain under their total dominance of control. Abusers often present a charismatic, successful, or respectable persona to the world, however, one must remember it is hollow and performative. Silence allows the perpetrator to continue their exploitation without facing legal consequences, social backlash, or professional ruin. By maintaining silence, abusers can groom the entire community, making friends and family believe they are harmless or even helpful to the victim. Within the state of abuse, maintaining this performance image, makes it less likely that others will believe the victim if they eventually try to speak out. All must counter the use of isolation and alienation as weapon to control a victim. Silence is often utilized to destabilize or cut the victim off from their support network, such as family and friends. This isolation makes the abuser the victim’s only point of reference, amplifying their psychological hold. Secrecy creates a near total dependency where the victim feels they have no one else to turn to for validation, safety, or basic needs. Within the sequence of abuse there is an uneven power dynamic where silence remains the root of control. Abusers use the silent treatment or cold shouldering as a form of emotional punishment to force the victim into compliance and to make them beg for communication, which reinforces the abuser’s dominance. Internalizing blame prevents victims from coming forward. Abusers manipulate victims into feeling that the abuse is their own fault or a secret they share, which fosters deep shame. This shame acts as a internal silence that prevents the victim from reaching out. Perpetrators will often resort to causing silent scars by dehumanizing their victims into a state of never ending suffering and relentless abuse. Often women face public humiliation for acts committed against them, as the nature of cyclical abuse transcends into their private domains to enforce compliance and silence.

Conditioning the victim to remain within silence facilitates the nature of abuse. Regaining control after sexual exploitation or abuse is a non-linear process that must focus on moving from a state of powerlessness to one of autonomy, self-love, and internal safety within. As a victim of sexual assault, I learned that I had to break my silence, on my own terms, to restore a sense of authority over my lived experience and story. Learning to evoke discernment and boundaries enabled me to restore a sense of peace. I learned the importance of saying “no” and establishing clear limits in relationships, which helped me protect and preserve my internal peace and physical autonomy. Survivors must identify and change their harmful thoughts related to the abuse and seek methods which assists the brain in reprocessing traumatic memories to reduce the emotional impact of the destruction experienced. Reconnecting with trusted friends and family or joining survivor support groups assist and helps combat the isolation imposed by abusers. By standing in one’s own power and truth, one then reclaims their identity, presence, and internal sacred power. We rise by lifting others, as our light within, will never fade or fissile out. Moving from a victim to survivor mentality restores justice, hope, and faith within and enables survivors to view their experiences through a lens of strength rather than shame. We are not the atrocities committed against us, as we are consciousness rising. My purpose is to advocate for those who have experienced detrimental circumstances. It is imperative that all reconstruct the landscape of recovery, to ensure that safety is present and evident for all. Survivors become advocates for others by transitioning from a state of weakness into rehabilitated strength. When one places their focus and attention on personal healing, they then can use their lived experiences and extracted sacred wisdoms, to support individuals in need, which drives, fosters, and produces systemic progressive change. Survivors use their personal understanding of trauma to provide empathy and hope that traditional systems may lack. Our collective message of resilience transcends stereotypes and boundaries as we are all catalysts of progressive change through our unity, collaboration, empathetic compassionate care, and assistance for all.